I Gave Myself a Break

Hi there. How are you?

Me? I'm much better.

I very much appreciate all of the support and encouragement I received after my previous post.

My slump didn't last long. I did one very simple thing to get me out of it.

I gave myself a break.

Since January, my primary goal has been to design a new line of wholesale goods (cards, prints, calendars, tea towels, etc.) that I can pitch to retailers. I set out to make 10 new cards featuring my current abstract pen drawings as well as designing 2 new calendars and some new tea towels. 

For a while, I made really great progress towards that goal. Despite the fact that I have been steadily designing new products since then, I'm still not done and haven't even begun to lay out a new catalog. There never seems to be enough time.

Or maybe my heart wasn't really in it.

After my vacation meltdown, I decided to put wholesale aside (at least for a time).

I also put aside my sketchbook and went for a big 12" x 18" format. I picked up my trusty Bic and went to work. (Yep, even after all my searching and experimenting with other pen brands, Bics are still my most favorite.)

After struggling in my sketchbook, I decided to go big and start a 12" x 18" drawing with my trusty Bic pen.

Pretty quickly, the work started to flow.

I had so much fun working on this drawing that I even recorded a short video of the process. Unlike the others, this one is in real time, so you can really see my technique.

Working large helped too.

There was more room to experiment and move. I was back in my happy art place, making work I was pleased with. It doesn't look forced, but instead free and flowing. This I where I want to be.

After fleshing out the composition with green, I added in some black to enhance the depth. At this point, it's just about complete.

I want to be making original work, not a stationery line.

When I dream of my future as an artist, I see work in galleries, not at the National Stationery Show. I started working towards a wholesale line when my success selling work at art fairs started waning. I've seen other people be very successful with wholesale home goods and thought that might be the way to go for me as well. Unfortunately, I've never been completely satisfied with the cards/pillows/etc that I was making.

I still don't know how I'm going to do sell and market my original work.

All I do know is that I am enjoying the process of making again.

I'm going to think less and draw more, and see what comes of it for a time. My tentative goal is to make and frame enough new work to hang a solo exhibition at a local space. (Or maybe even in our house!)

I appreciate you following along in my journey.

Ciao.

How Drawing on Vacation led to a Vacation from Drawing

Hi there. How are you? 

I just arrived home from vacation again. (It's been a pretty awesome spring!) This time, we were in South Carolina, staying just steps from the beach.

The beach for me, is inspiring and relaxing. There's a sense of calm that I feel there like no where else. And usually, spending time at the beach leads to some good art making.

The beach for me, is inspiring and relaxing.

There's a sense of calm that I feel there like no where else. And usually, spending time at the beach leads to some good art making.

Drawings made in spring 2016 while vacationing at the beach.

I was prolific at the beach last year.

Last year, while staying at this very same place, I woke up every morning and went right to my sketchbook. I made a drawing a day. They just seemed to flow out of me. I was relaxed and in the zone, and it showed in my work.

As our beach trip approached this year, I was looking forward to some serious sketchbook time.  I'd been in sort of a slump in the past few weeks, so I was hoping some beach time would get me out of it.

This year, vacation drawing felt like work.

My attempts at drawing while at the beach this year were less successful than last year. 

I started the top half of this drawing before I left for the beach.

I was excited about where it was headed and thought I was on the path to something cool. I continued work on it while on vacation, and ugh. The part I added didn't really match what was going on at the top. I thought about trudging on, but I didn't see anything good coming from it.

So, I decided to start over.

Instead of continuing on with my first drawing, I decided to start over. Again the results were lackluster.

I really wanted to make this color scheme work (it's one of my faves) so started a new drawing with a similar motif. Again, I just couldn't make myself finish it. As I look at this now, I could probably salvage this one, but I'm not sure I want to.

I started over yet again.

This time, I gave up on the green/pink color scheme and just started drawing. As I've said time and time again, I do my best work when I'm relaxed and just go with the flow. I tried to do that here, until the drawing started to look like a face and I couldn't look at it any more.

A drawing I made while on vacation. This one was going somewhere...To bad my darn pen ran out of ink.

Using my trusty blue Bic, I attempted one more drawing.

This one was going smoothly. I was feeling confident and drawing felt easy. I was on my way to regaining my drawing mojo.

Then, my pen ran out of ink.

I wanted to keep going, so I switched to the maroon. The Pentel maroon didn't go on as smoothly or feel as good in my hand as the Bic did. On top of that, it kept "throwing up" blobs of ink. Of course, that got me frustrated and I started to lose my mojo. In my eyes, this one started to look overworked, so I decided to leave it as is.

Just like the Cubs at the moment, I'm off my game.

I'm not enjoying the process and it all seems forced. I've got no confidence. I feel so much pressure.

That pressure is killing the work.

I put a ton of pressure on myself to succeed. I feel pressure to keep up this blog, to regularly post on social media, to make new products that people will want to buy, and to sell the ones I already have. I feel a constant need to perform, and for what? Likes, comments, and follows? There certainly hasn't been much financial gain in the work I've poured myself into this year. 

How am I going to make this artist business thing work?

I have no solid direction, I don't know what to do next, and I don't see a clear path to success. I'm frustrated and sad. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and wasting my time. I feel guilty for not pulling my weight in this family financially.

I share this all with you not because I want your pity, but because it feels good to me to get it all out. I know you're supposed to "fake it till you make it" and maybe I'll regret this post in the future, but for now, I just wanted to let you into how I am feeling.

I've been here before.

It must be a spring thing. (I wrote about my spring frustrations in both 2016 and 2015.) I know I can get myself out of this hole. I'll just take some time and some thought.

Instead of letting this need to succeed eat me alive, I'm going to take a step back and access.

Don't worry, I'll keep you in the loop.

Ciao.

A Change is In the Air

Hi there. How are you?

This may be a long rambling post. Lots to tell. Much to process. Read on......

"Let it Flow Through You" 12" x 12", collaged paper and ballpoint ink on cradled hardboard, 2015.

I got some good news last week.

This piece was accepted into the Rockford Midwestern Biennial, a juried survey of contemporary art made by artists in the Midwest. This is a prestigious show at my hometown museum. I've applied in the past, but this is the first time my work has been accepted. Very exciting!

It was just what I needed.

As any creative will tell you, this being an artist thing is hard work. So hard sometimes, that I contemplate giving it up. I've been feeling that way lately, so getting my work into the Midwestern was a much needed creative boost. Let me explain.

One Year Itch?

I've been feeling restless in my artmaking lately. Unsatisfied with my work. I've been unsure of what to do next. As I look back, I've been feeling much like I did last year at this time. (I wrote all about it HERE.) Maybe this artistic restlessness is a spring thing for me? Or maybe it's time for another change?

This "itch" really made itself known with the launch of my latest coloring book. Sales have been pretty lackluster, and it's hard not to take that to heart. Yes, I know I launched my first coloring book at the beginning of holiday shopping season, so that contributed to its crazy good sales. Any maybe some people are still coloring my first book. Whatever it is, the poor sales have been disheartening and disappointing.

But it got me thinking....

I like making coloring pages, but is that all I want to do? Nope. I really like drawing in my sketchbook. I often find myself drawing patterns, but do I want to be a surface pattern designer, and license my work for fabric and other commercial uses? Nope, doesn't sound appealing to me.

What I do want to do is draw, paint, and make.

I want to make original works. Yes, I know I stopped making originals around this time last year because they weren't selling. Alas, the urge to make original pieces still remains.  I want to work abstractly and intuitively, and with confidence. I want to make for me, and not necessarily to sell. (But selling and making money would sure be nice!)

The universe is talking to me.

I listen to a lot of podcasts, read a lot of blogs, and am on entirely too many mailing lists of other artists and creators. Last week, it felt like everyone was talking directly to me.

In one of her most recent podcast episodes, Danielle Krysa told me to do something I love, instead of trying to do something that I think people want. On her blog, Alisa Burke told me to get off of the computer, stop comparing myself to others and just start making. Crystal Moody told me that "things change, don't fight it, roll with it."

The universe is telling me that it's time for a change. It's time to be true to myself as an artist. I want to branch out from the more commercial and illustrative things I've been doing. I'm not going to give those things up entirely, but I don't want to "put all of my eggs in that basket."  I keep feeling like I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not, following the trends and styles I see as I scroll through Instagram or Pinterest. I spend entirely too much time comparing myself and my work to others. It's time for that to stop and for me to trust my gut.

Let's call it a pivot

So, I'm not going to reinvent myself again as an artist, but I'm just going to switch things up a bit. A slight pivot in my artistic course. And all I know is that writing this post, organizing my thoughts, and getting it out there has been terribly therapeutic. Enjoyable even. It's helped me to process how I've been feeling and to set a course for the future. Expect to see more writing and more making here soon. (But not next week......I'm going on vacation!)

I appreciate that you've taken time to read this post and welcome your feedback.

See you back here in 2 weeks. Ciao!

P.S. If you enjoy my work, please share this post or some of my artwork with your friends! Thank you.